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51st State (Canada) (Eisenstein)

now i don't think that it's fair
the way he plays with her hair
it's like they don't care
that i'm standing there
with his arm around her waist
a nd a stupid-ass grin on his face
he's drinking molson ice by the case
so why am I the one who feels out of place

he came down from canada
and stole my girl away
he came down from canada
and ruined my fucking day

now i don't even know why
she left me for that guy
it makes me kind of want to cry
but i got to hold my pride
see i'm from the garden state
not by choice but it was my fate
and i know that i got here too late
so why you gotta rub it in my face that


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Anna (Eisenstein)

i used to wander around at night
drinking cheap beer and looking for a fight
but now i know there's only one place where i want to be
and all those other girls driving daddy's SUV
don't mean a thing to me
i used to think no one could hold me
thought i was fresh like guacamole
i used to think that i'd always be free
but all those other girls with their perfect SATs
don't mean a thing to me
i used to try to be so lean
doing crunches and eating cubes of protein
but now i never have to count my calories
and all those other girls with their graduate degrees
don't mean a thing to me
now i just leave thing up to fate
responsibilities i try to delegate
i close my eyes and there's just one thing i see
and all those other girls eating crumpets with their tea
don't mean a thing to me

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Anti-Personal (Eisenstein)

i can't sleep the voices in my head are talking too loud
i can't go outside everywhere i go i get lost in the crowd
i don't eat that much or drink so often
something has happened to me
mostly i just sit at home and play guitar
and watch the videos on mtv
the things that you see they're not really me
but what's on my mind isn't hard to define
the things that I show you already know
it must be hard to be blind - i'm biding my time

i don't like to go to parties
i don't like to talk that much
i don't dance around like a mother-fucking fool
and i don't want to stay in touch
i don't need your validation
half as much as you need mine
there's only one thing i need from you
and i don't want to ask a second time
you say it's okay - i say it's alright
we say it's the truth - it can't be a lie
the further we go the less that we know
i mean when we cross that bridge i might change my mind

because it's a war outside
and it's a matter of time

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Been So Blind (Lesbian Ex-Girlfriend Song) (Chow)

hey bartender could you pass me a drink
because it's going to be one hell of a night
it won't make things better but at least I'll sleep alright
because i've got this sinking feeling deep down inside
that she's out somewhere with someone else in hand
though she told me she'd never leave for another man
i should have known she'd change the way she bats
because she was always more confused than a hanging chad

(chorus) how could i have been blind to her feminine wiles
that were just to disguise the surprise of my life
there were tell-tale signs but i never realized
that her wanting eyes weren't for other guys
now i'm a fool who's been kicked to the curb
because my baby she left me for a girl
yes, i said my baby she left me for a girl

she brought a friend home and i thought it was the stuff of dreams
but 1+1+1 made two and three made company
how did i ever miss her collection of georgia o'keefe's
when she had every single ani difranco cd


gather round all you boys i've got to say a few words
be careful what you wish for when you ask for kissing girls
they may just kiss your ass goodbye and leave you to bleed
don't tell me it can't happen to you, i'm telling you it happened to me


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The Boogalullabye (Chow)

hello little girl welcome to this world
it can be a cruel place every once in a while
years ago to the day your mama was born in a changing world
and merry pranksters smoked alot to see things through your eyes
but things will all change when you get a little older
when the boys know your name no one's coming over

(chorus) don't you worry - i'm your stomping grounds
lay your head down - i'm your stomping grounds
don't you cry now - i'm your stomping grounds
don't you worry - there ain't no one around

now i've got a feeling that the boys better run and hide
because there's a big bad wolf who's coming
and i can see the glean in your eyes
don't you come near my riding hood until i say it's goddamn time
so keep your hands in your pocket and your pencils in the classroom
don't make me get my shotgun


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Bucky Dent (Chow)

i lost my childhood in 1978
on a 1-1 pitch hanging over the plate
then the tears came down my face
when i watched all three round third base
on october 2, 1978
a guy named earl got a new name
and it was

(chorus) bucky fucking dent
you ruined my life
you may be a nice guy
but you'll always be bucky fucking dent

when my kids are old enough to talk
i'll teach them to say "yankees suck"
they'll know they should hate the boss
just because just because
on october 2, 1978
a guy named earl got a new name
and it was
bucky fucking dent


i'm going to find that piano
and end the curse of the bambino
no no nanette was a stupid play
and i hate broadway
because of bucky fucking dent


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Dime-a-Dozen (Chow)

i've got this addiction - i'm trembling in pain
my body's aching everywhere - i can't make it go away
i'm going hot with fever - this disease in my head
i don't need you to fill my pills - just fill my empty bed
now i may be the dirty dime-a-dozen
and maybe you're the diamond in the rough
but these things don't really ever matter
once the lights are off

you could be a movie star on the big silver screen
with red carpets everywhere to part the water at your feet
or the girl behind the bar who's pouring my drink
with smoke around you everywhere like clouds that you live in
now i may be the dirty dime-a-dozen
and maybe you're the diamond in the rough
but these things don't really ever matter
once the lights are off

so call it anything you want - it is what it is
my intentions are semantics - i'm a red-blooded man

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Driving 65 (Eisenstein)

i've been driving sixtyfive
wanted dead or alive
when i was 17
and my skills were keen
i went to the DMV
they gave a license to me
'cause i could parallel park
with my eyes closed in the dark
i moved just like a shark
i always hit my mark
but now i'm old and gray
i don't have much to say
i live in fear these days
i gotta look both ways

i've been driving 65
wanted dead or alive
if i can't stay out of trouble
then all my parking fines will double
i've been driving 65
wanted dead or alive
i've got a price written on my head
a lot of meter maids want to see me dead

well if you see me
on highway 63
in the breakdown lane
pulled over again
well the cop will grin
when he calls me in
'cause he'll know that i've been
on the mosted wanted... top 10


will you take me down
to that hallowed ground
where i can drive around
without a cop in town
back in the passing lane
where i belong again
i'll reassert my reign
i'll reacquire my domain


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The Federales (Chow)

the federales got a bounty on my head... hell yeah

the thought police knocked down my door
just a little bit after four
they had my receipts from the book store
tapped my phones and bugged my brand new ford
they said we heard you've been making noise
like you don't believe in our little war
but if you watch fox news to stay informed
the thought police won't come around no more

the federales got a bounty on my head... hell yeah

you need a background check to teach darwin
but don't need one to buy a gun at walmart
they said we heard you believe in dinosaurs
and you don't think nukuler is a word
but if you watch fox news to stay informed
the thought police won't come around no more

the federales got a bounty on my head... hell yeah

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Fuck Out of Dodge (Chow)

girl i know you're pretty
and you've got a body that just won't quit
but i can't keep listening
to all your inane bullshit
about your trips to bali
and pretend that i really care
because i have never been to bali
and thanks to you i'm never ever gonna go there
so where's the waiter with the goddamn check

(chorus) my ears are bleeding
this date sucks so i'm leaving

girl you're smart so why can't you
see the pained look on my face?
everytime i change the subject
and you bring it back to the same place
am i being punished for my sins
why'd i have to ask you out again
if there really is a god
why won't he help me get the fuck out of dodge
so where's the bartender with the goddamn tab


girl i hate to break it to you
you're as charming as a pet rock
except the pet part and you don't rock
so i'm getting the fuck out of dodge


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Grand Exception (Chow)

this is the song i swore i'd never ever write
but i'll make this grand exception just this one time
i'm slow to put down my guard because this is new to me
so here is your grand exception written begrudgingly

(chorus) things go wrong all the time
i know two wrongs don't make things right
when i shut down give me a while
to decompress and know that i
am trying to mend my ways

sometimes i get so bogged down i'm wading in neck deep
i know it's tiring always taking the back seat
and i'm sorry you're always on the outside looking in
but when i look out there's so much chaos i just don't where to begin


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Imaginary Planet (Eisenstein)

I turn off my lights
And turn on my phone
Cause it's so easy to go out at night
and so hard to just stay home
This party's ok
at least the beer's free
i just wish they would stop playing that song
from the first white stripes cd

and i don't know where i was
the day they covered this in school
off on a tangent, imaginary planet
where i could make up all the rules

you're faking a smile
while i pretend to have fun
but the way you wait for me to talk
is making feel dumb
is it really true
that you have nothing to say
or are you saving all of of your clever thoughts
if someone better comes your way

and i don't know where i was
the day they covered this in school
off on a tangent, imaginary planet
where i could make up all the rules
and i got the truth in my back pocket
but it's doing me no good
because the people here are so ruthless
and the outcome's understood

And as we all get a little more stupid
we will all be doing fine
because nobody plays cupid
like three dollar red wine
and i don't know where i was
the day they covered this in school
but just because you're playing the game
is no reason to be cruel

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Kid Gloves (Chow)

time has passed but bitter feelings - they can last a long while
i could try to filter my thoughts but why - it'd do no good
if i sugarcoat my words to spare your bruised ego
we both know that it'll just leave a bad taste in my mouth

(chorus) because i'm not so good at playing with kid gloves
so if your virgin ears can't handle what they hear
don't ask me to speak dishonestly

silence can be deafening - it's the loudest voice you'll never hear
i'm sorry for the brutal honesty but pretense never got us anywhere good
so i'll just check pretense at the door


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Kung Fu Guardian Angel (Eisenstein)

when your half life has almost expired
and your conscience is feeling so tired
and your guardian angel just got fired
you might feel a little uninspired

(chorus) adversity - we shall be free
and I know that the people in this town
can get you down

when you're feeling like you're four-foot two
because of all the things those people made you do
and nobody believes that you know kung fu
they just point and laugh at you


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Mass Transportation (Eisenstein)

The four o'clock train is leaving the station
Three stops away from its destination
Her mind is at work but her brain is on vacation
And you don't get in without a reservation

The passengers all file on through the turnstyles
Their bowties are plaid but their socks are argyle
She laughs at a joke but I think it's puerile
I check myself out to adjust my hairstyle

Chorus: And everything happens so slow around here
You can see it coming across the frontier
When you're driving a train there's no way to steer
So sit back and relax your friends are all here

The cellist is playing for contributions
While constantly planning her retribution
I'm not doing well on my new year's resolution
To try to cut down on emotional pollution


The ten o'clock train is leaving the station
Nine stops away from its destination
My mind is asleep but my brain is on vacation
I reach in my pocket and make a donation

The tray table's stowed in the upright position
This airplane is powered by nuclear fission
I open my book on the human condition
The pilot straps in and starts the ignition

I look out my window and watch the world go by
The passenger next to me fastens his bowtie
I know what it is but I don't even know why
The faster I go the slower things go by

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Metrosexual (Good Riddance) (Chow)

(chorus) look at you, you're cool, you're metrosexual
with your collar up and perfect messy hair
well i hope your girlfriend tells you you're original
because you aren't the only one

good riddance what's become of my friends and everyone
they're wearing the collars up because they've seen the cover of
a men's magazine on the fall fashion scene
and they thought they'd give it a whirl, maybe it'll help with the girls
but i guess i shouldn't be surprised, after all these are the same guys
who bought flannel shirts from the gap when grunge music was the fad
and now they're old and now they're back as metrosexuals


good riddance i'm so dumb, i should've seen this coming
after all these suburban guys swore tupac was still alive
until one day they realized they had no street cred
now all these wannabe guys are metrosexuals instead


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My Roommate (Doesn't Understand Women) (Eisenstein)

She doesn't really need everything she's asking for
She's just trying to see how much she can get
She doesn't believe that he could walk out the door
We all want to see who's going to win that bet

He doesn't really know exactly what he's in this for
He's just trying to hope things don't get out of hand
He just wants to show he's capable of giving more
He wants all to know he really has a plan

Now I'm not trying to say that I'm some kind of lady's man
I'm not going to win every time I try
A little apathy is something that has served me well
Never wanted anything so bad it made me cry

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The Other Side of My Brain

I'm just hanging around trying to settle some old scores
And trying to pick up cute girls in video stores
We all do what we have to so we don't get bored
But with a few more drinks we'll all be on the floor

(chorus)The other side of my brain
Where I play video games
It doesn't feel any pain
Keeps me from going insane
It's not the side that writes songs
The side that tells right from wrong
When I am weak it feels strong
The moment I turn it on

I sit down and have a drink, I think I've earned a break,
From trying to recover from my latest great mistake
With pen in hand I calculate how much more I can take
We're all trapped in a web we helped to make


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Skillet-Fingers (Merrill)

skillet-fingers ruiz was a ping-pong champ
we watched him play that last round and our spirits got all damp
i walked right up and asked him he said - i barely play the game
then he hurried off complaining that his backhand was to blame

(chorus) ooh hit that ball ruiz
on the p.a. system they're calling your name
ooh whatever happened to you
to give you this strange, aversion to your fame

phantom-hands lance was kicked right in the pants
Ruiz cleaned him up in just two sets
He came out fully swinging and the dinner bell was ringing
and the audience was singing for Ruiz


And in the final round ruiz broke down
He faltered and his foe got ahead
Everybody screamed but ruiz he just beamed
coz everyone was hanging by a thread


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Ten Stories (Chow)

i got some bad news today
when i read this morning's paper's back page
a ten line story written ten stories up
they called it an accidental fall
i have heard this story once before
when cries fall on deaf ears and cries are ignored
they didn't like what they saw below
and i don't blame them for feeling alone
there must be a reason they had to die so young

(chorus) i can't find the words to bring you back to us all
so i'll play my songs so i think you're here

we used to say not so long ago
we hoped we'd die before we got old
but i spoke too soon and i want you to know
that you may be gone but not forgotten
there must be a reason they had to die so young


well, goodbye old friends
twenty-five is too young to die
goodbye old friends
i will see you in a little while
but i know it's not my time
because twenty-five is too young to die
but you're on my mind

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Time to Spare (Chow)

it's 10:30 on a sunday morning and i'm wondering useless shit
like why'd i have to drink so much last night
and when will the flyers ever win the cup
i think i need to pay my bills
i think my gas tank needs to be filled
oh there's too much worrying my simple mind
because i don't even care when there's a whisper in my ear

(chorus) saying i got time to spare for sex in the morning

the weatherman said this morning
it's gonna rain outside so maybe i should wear my coat
i can hear the big rig coming
come out of your house before we tag and tow
i think i'll hit the burren tonight
i wonder if baby haley's doing alright
oh there's too much worrying my simple mind
because i don't even care when there's a whisper in my ear


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Twenty Square Feet (Depression) (Chow)

it's time to wake up before your day is already over
i don't wake with the sun - i don't sleep with the moon
i drink my coffee at midnight - i turn my lights on at noon
so you ask me what kind of living is being bed ridden all of the time

(chorus) your lithium and all your drugs just don't seem to ever pick me up
because two-a-day is not enough to ever really get high
it's time to wake up before your day is already over

people can reach me any time - people can find me any place
but no one bothers to say hi when we're standing face to face
so how can it be that i'm feeling so distant
when i'm always connected all of the time


the world could be twenty square feet for all i care
because the world outside can be unkind to someone's who's scared

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Vertigo (Eisenstein)

i'm sitting here alone wishing I had a chance
thinking just of you while inventing new kinds of underpants
i never should have ever let you go and now you've got a case of vertigo
if I can't be your lover then i'll just clean up your mess
and visit you in the hospital when you can't take the stress
you never knew what I went through when you walked out the door
if you gave a shit about me you you wouldn't come back anymore
do you get afraid when you look down from above
do you know that back down here i'm dying for your love

i tried to paint the picture of the one that you adore
but the subject died a grizzly death two hundred years before
the face came out like mine and you almost had a stroke
you're acting like it's my fault that you can't take a joke
do you get afraid when you look down from above
do you know that back down here i'm dying for your love

you're always pulling people out of the swirling bay
and whisking them in your car to a church in monterey
but if you think you solved the puzzle here's some news from vanna white
u better buy a vowel cause I ain't coming home tonight
do you get afraid when you look down from above
do you know that back down here i'm dying for your love

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Which Bridge to Cross (Merrill)

i can't eat - i can't sleep - i'm lyin' awake
tryin' to figure out which decision to make
it's one or the other and i can't have both
an' the devil's at my doorstep i can feel her close
and then she said 'sabout time you learned
which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn

people pass me the street - ignorant and peachy-keen
you can never understand exactly what I mean
i'm tryin' to extract what's wrong from what is right
but my confidence is low that i'm winnin' this fight
i guess I'll have to live and learn
which bridge to cross, and which bridge to burn

paula told me i can't have my cake and eat it too
but these girls invade my mind with a fearsome attitude
selectively seductive serene and so demure
but kicking ass and taking names and tallying the score
from time to time i took a wrong turn
taught me Which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn

i decided to take some advice from my mother
get friendly with one but get with the other
oh brother - here goes - there's no turning back
this time no chance of a confidence crack
i got the right, the choice i've earned
this bridge to cross and that bridge to burn

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